i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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