only you would photoshop your dick
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
