There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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