trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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