sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
