did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
