and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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