Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
