I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
