3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
