we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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