I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
