I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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