i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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