You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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