she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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