She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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