i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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