the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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