If that was your dad, he is hot
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize