So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
