You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
