I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
