I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
