your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm going to jail i love you
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she peed on how many people?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
