I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
