She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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