either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize