i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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