Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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