He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
