Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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