Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
