when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
