Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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