Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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