the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize