I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
