I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
