you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
