If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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