Whod you bang
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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