After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
