I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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