he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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