I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
