she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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