Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize