i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
