I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
