"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
