Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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