he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
