Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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