I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
