Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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