I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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