cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
