It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
