Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just want to make out with him forever
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