Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
