Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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