butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Where did you get a picture of my penis
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
how drunk are you?
Several
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
