Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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