he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
