so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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