I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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