I'm pants shitting drunk right now
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The air taste purple.
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