The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize