Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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