I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
