Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
