If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
