please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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