My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
