ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
