idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
