I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
