Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
