he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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