Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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