dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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