yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
