Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
