Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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