I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
