The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
