apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
