the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
