i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize