ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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