Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
