all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
