ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
