every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
