Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You have to summon your inner elephant
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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