i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
