its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The best revenge is premature balding
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
