my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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