apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
