when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
