***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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