it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
