oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
