My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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