Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
