this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
