I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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