Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
