he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
