you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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