wat bout pragnant strippers??
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
